Why Christmas is full of Traps

It is easy to crash into Christmas on autopilot and do the same things every year. Two weeks later you pick through the debris and realise that Christmas is a load of traps, that are easy to fall into.  

Cat under the Christmas tree

In January you meet up with friends, laugh about what went wrong and forget about it. But last January we were in lockdown so I wrote myself a letter instead.

Letter to myself

I love the formality. It was a nice surprise to find this letter and I was happy to hear from me.

It looks boring printed out. This week I am developing my visual art skills, using potatoes to make Christmas cards, so I used the blank bits to practice.

Potato Printed heart

Oh yes, the sad polite smile, and then the confusion, on the face of the person who got the CB radio, and the bother of returning it. This year we agreed to only give each other things we want ourselves.

I did not know what I wanted until social media kindly flashed up an advert for a cat drinking fountain. Only a week to go until he unwraps it and I can’t wait. Neither can the cat.

That heart looks amazing. It is quite easy cutting a heart shape into a potato if you have the right biscuit cutter.

Potato printed heart with dots

Doing well here. I have already passed on some chocolates, given to me one day, and given away the next. 

Extra note. Find an artist and buy their work. This year I bought painted stones. You can see them on this link When it comes to emergency presents, a hand-painted stone is next level.

The heart is better with gold dots.

Two potato printed hearts

Yeah but remember the glorious Christmas of 2013 when everybody bought everybody else a remote control helicopter.  So what if the house was full of broken helicopter parts for months afterwards? It was the best. We had a dog then. Dogs go insane if you fly helicopters around their ears for a whole day.

Two hearts are better than one. It gives a pattern effect.

Potato printed horse

Fail.  Wish I had not read this because now I have to go out and buy more stuff.  The chickens are in lockdown at the moment, because of bird flu, which is carried by wild birds and is something you only know about if you keep chickens. 

Being locked inside makes no difference if you are a factory hen but is a nasty surprise if you are a pet hen, with feelings and garden work to do.

Poor chickens all locked up, with no contact with the outside world.  If you want to know what a depressed chicken looks like, come round to my house.  Damm me from January 2021 for making me feel guilty about forgetting their present.

Talking of animals I carved a horse into a potato. It was not as easy as the heart.

Potato printed horse

Fail. I forgot.  This was clearly written in the glorious days of furlough when there was time to amble around charity shops picking up lights.

The blue lights are still up from last year and look exactly the same.

The horse is better with legs filled in and some reins. It needs eyes.

TV Guide
Potato printed horse.

What does ‘get a movie in’ even mean?

The horse has got a mane. Good work.

Eating and Drinking

God yes.  We had loads of camembert and the house was stinking so bad I had to leave it outside. I bet somebody else around here cracks and gets cheese anyway, and I already bought chestnuts. They are in the bag waiting to happen.

So wise and true about the ginger biscuits.  I got custody of the children who sometimes live here this weekend and we made loads. We dropped some on the floor and a few looked as if the icing had been licked. I was very kind and helped pack the whole lot up for their mother.

Maybe it is only possible to make nice ginger biscuits if you live in Scandanavia, a bit like pasties don’t taste the same if they are made outside Cornwall.

OK point taken about the Baileys and the sloe gin.  The person who wrote this clearly had not had any alcohol for some time, so they weren’t thinking straight.

Post Christmas Thoughts

OK don’t get excited/drink too much/look at social media/take on the world’s problems. Thanks.

The horse has a saddle and is nearly as good as the heart now.

The Future

I did not ask if Trump supporters might storm the Capitol, or if women would be beaten by police, for mourning a woman murdered by a policeman, or if anybody would mention parties in Downing Street, or if Kabul, Boris, Prince Andrew, and doomsday glaciers might fall.

And there is no mention of variants. What was I thinking? Perhaps the word ‘variant’ was not around then. Here we go again then.

I will write another letter in January and try to be a bit more imaginative.

Horses need a lot of squiggles and gold dots if they are going to look any good. Artists like me, know things like this.

Is that it?  I can think of at least two more. What about how to choose who gets the Christmas cards? And nothing about how to deal with family, which was a big deal in Christmas in the olden days. I will pop that in my letter next January when I have found the answer.

Has anybody ever printed a better horse, with just a potato, than this?

3 thoughts on “Why Christmas is full of Traps”

  1. This is literally brilliant. Funny, sad, thoughtful…. thank you for the blog, it really is inspiring x

    PS you can watch ‘Chitty Chitty Bang Bang’ every year :-))

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