March Jobs in the Garden.

Garden jobs in March shot past like this.

Consider a Garden with Friends in it.

Pink camellias symbolise a longing for someone who is missed, and that’s about to end. Six people outside at once can happen.

The end of moaning about missing people and the harsh reality of seeing them is imminent. No more relaxed local walks with just one person, spotting fresh tufts of moss, discussing virus science and obsessing over your mental health. Prepare for a social whirl.

Getting out of hibernation is like digging a tyre out of mud. Drag garden chairs out, see the bathroom through other people’s eyes and feel disgusted, look at April and think about setting dates. You might discover that everyone is either busy with Other Friends or cultivating locked in syndrome and cannot leave their homes. You can aim to get one invite out by the end of March. Failing that, see if the friend wants to go for a walk again.

Wonder about Cutting the Lawn.

Google still says cut if you must, but give the grass a chance and DO NOT cut it short. Oh, the joy of a spring day, a neat lawn and freshmowngrass perfume exciting the air. Then the Camelia spoilt everything by dropping dead heads all over the neatness.

If your OCD means the lawn must be a lawn and nothing else, dead flowers on it are bothering.  Other people get bothered about losing their job, or what an in-law said. Fussing about petals on grass is possibly not OK.  Something to discuss on my next walk.

Roll the Lawn

If you come across a lawn roller you have to roll the lawn. It makes no difference to the lawn but it is good to do weight-bearing exercise and interesting for chickens. 

Google says this is the only time of the year for lawn rolling, so take advantage. And you can’t text invites and roll lawns at the same time either.

Notice Mould on Wood

Mould is probably a good thing for insects and wildlife. It is also good for sending the urge to Spruce Up coursing through your veins.

There are two ways to deal with it.

Paint straight over the top of it.  This is quick and satisfying but might not last.  So ideally get the mould off first.  Normally I sit out there with a wire brush and vinegar, or whatever natural cleaning product is in fashion, and collect blisters whilst listening to the radio.  This year I found a new way.

Get the pressure washer out. Wash half of the mould off and break the pressure washer.  Discover that a new pressure washer is cheaper than the replacement part.  Briefly consider ‘what is the world coming to’ before clicking through to the shiny new pressure washer.  Pressure washer arrives and you get a happy day blasting all wood to naked splinters. 

Go to the garden centre and get tin of something to paint wood, accidentally buy seed potatoes at the same time.

The ‘self-sufficiency is satisfying’ myth briefly won over the urge not to be a slave to growing more vegetables than the entire village is going to need.

Feed birds

Feed the birds.  Right now they appear to be on high grade amphetamines, charging about fighting and screaming, having sex all over the rooves, and dropping sticks and moss in a nest-building frenzy.  Insects are sparse; fruit is months away and like all good drug users they will forget to eat unless you put it under their noses.

So get loads of food out and watch the show.

 Pick flowers

On cold days, bring flowers indoors and look at them.

Especially daffodils because bees don’t like them.

Encourage livestock productivity.

If you have chickens, they might start laying. Even my chickens are managing three a week between them. Remember, it is a locked in chicken that lays the egg. They are manipulative creatures and the mournful looks through the wire are a ruse to get out and lay anywhere but their own nest boxes.

After egg collection they get out and busy. 2 hours digging holes, 1 hour tapping a plastic bag for no reason and 5 hours at the back door hassling for cheese or meat or pasta or all the things that send them into a frenzy, and are most likely to kill them. Like the rest of us, chickens prefer to consume things that are bad for them.

Stop time in its tracks

Spring is stretching out before us in one long glorious vista of long days and flowers.  Blink and it might be autumn. Check out new decorations on a nearby tree.

Make time as slow as if you were waiting in a garage, awake all night in hospital, or at the dentist. Do this by sitting still and catching the seconds that try to creep past the tree. They are sneaky like that. I am surprised Einstein did not talk about this.

Miss people

While you are busy stopping time, you can think again about longing for people who are missing. Two friends of mine lost close family members this month, suddenly and forever.

If you are missing people who are still on this earth, now is the time to find them. Even if quarantine and red list laws keep them far away, they can still answer the phone. I’m going to get that tyre out of the mud somehow.

And remember to put the cat out. It can’t stay on the sofa forever.