Robbers
The egg in the photo above is made of rubber.
Professional chicken farmers, like me, use them to trick chickens. A hen sees the egg and thinks ‘Oh that’s where everybody else is laying, I will lay mine there too.’ Works every time.
This also works on humans. Visitors kept bringing it proudly back from the coop and one even tried to boil it, until I marked it as ‘Not real’.
And then it went missing for six months. I found it in here.
It was ’empty the compost bin’ day. Nice for all plants to get fresh mulch in spring and fantastic for chickens who go crazy about such a squirming pile of worms. Not so lucky for one little rat who had a racket going of nicking eggs and storing them in there for future use. Or me, because he got the sell-by date a little wrong so some of them were ready to explode.
But stored neatly in amongst them was the rubber egg. Idiot robber rat.
Decay and Death
But winter wasn’t all jolly tricks with rubber eggs. Every bit of the hen house started rotting at once so the chickens announced they would prefer to live in our house and started queuing by the back door and barging in at any opportunity.
We made repairs and put in soft pillows of fresh straw, which stayed dry even in howling storms. But by that time they had discovered our nice warm kitchen, and all the crumbs on the floor so it was a constant battle to keep them out.
And then they got sick.
Why do Chickens get Sick?
The oldest chicken in the world was 23 when she died. Ours were only three. It is a sad fact that rescue chickens are designed, by less professional chicken farmers, to time out. They are bred for egg production not longetivity. And no amount of fancy bedding, interesting compost bins or gardens to play in can change that. When they stop laying they usually decline quite quickly.
What to do When Chickens get Sick
Symptoms include not eating or laying, giving up on chasing the cat and finally lying down in the hutch instead of shouting for food by the kitchen door. When this happens you need to get your neighbour, the one who knows how to kindly despatch them to chicken heaven. Do this asap and then you and the neighbour can hold a short funeral and have a cup of tea.
That is how it works. If your neighbour is not available, as a professional chicken farmer, you should be able to do the kind deed yourself. If you can’t then you have to go to the vet and that costs £75, which is about the price of six tesco finest free range chickens so it is good to have a neighbour who is mostly not out, if possible.
Lonely Chicken
Finally there was just one left. The Lonely One.
Depressed people don’t say much but you can tell in an instant if they are having a bad day. It is the same with chickens.
There she was poking half-heartedly through the bluebells, hardly caring if she found a worm or a butterfly.
Or sitting sadly staring at the cat, hoping for attention.
After 24 hours the emotional blackmail worked and I set off for the chicken farm with hope in my heart, cash in my hand and a cat basket in the boot.
How to Choose New Chickens
It is easy to get more rescue hens but I decided to look for longer lasting varieties.
Moonridge farm sell all sorts of chickens. If you know your stuff you can talk knowledgably to the sales people about temperament and robustness of breed, or you can pick the colours you like best, any colours at all.
After years of only brown chickens this was a revelation and we came home with two completely different chickens. It is a whole new world when you can tell one chicken from another.
A few things happened when they got back
They got Names
After much thought we settled on Millie and The Black One. As an afterthought the original chicken got the name Old Hen so she wasn’t left out.
Old Hen went Berserk
Millie and the Black One were confined to quarters for a few days to give them time to work out where they live. The Old Hen stood outside the run shouting.
This is the face of a lonely person who realises that new people have moved in. The shouting lasted for four hours.
Then she got sick, nearly sick enough to call the neighbour. But strangely, after a day or two, she perked up again so maybe this one will be the chicken to break the rescue hen rule. Who knows? She is still going strong at the moment anyway.
We Pimped up the Hen House Some More.
Fresh roofing felt and a coat of varnish and suddenly it was a palace. If you have smart looking chickens the house needs to match the look. Especially if they might live for 23 years.
This is Millie venturing out for the first time.
There was Some Fighting and Bad Feeling
As soon as they were allowed out, Old Hen got the pecking order sorted and attacked her new friends every time they did anything wrong, like eat, or walk past her.
They learnt to keep a respectful distance and the cat kept an eye out for trouble.
We Established a Bedtime Routine.
At Dusk, Old Hen went straight to the hen house like a Good Hen. New hens flew onto the washing line and fell asleep.
It is not easy disentangling a snoring chicken from a washing line. They wake up suddenly and flap and struggle. But until they learn to go into that palace on their own they expect me to move them, so I do.
I am glad we only bought two. How do professional chicken farmers cope if they buy 50 hens and have to carry every single one to bed every night?
Everything Settled Down
Two weeks on and all is calm. The new hens are still not allowed to eat until Old Hen decides its ok, but they have worked out that the main thing in life is to get into our house.
Meanwhile
Across the land, our rivers are foul because the real professional chicken farmers got clearance from somebody to dump all their waste in the wrong places. And here in Devon we boil our tap water because hundreds of people just half an hour away are getting sick from Cryptosporidium.
South West Water swear blind that it is perfectly safe to drink and came up with a long tale about a blocked valve. But you can never tell with water companies, so we will wait and see.
At least we have eggs again.
PHOTO OF EGGS